something secret

I want to discuss something that's been on my mind for a bit. On Sunday night, right after the VMA's, (and before it-which-must-not-be-named), I had a long discussion with my 20 year old brother about why I was offended by Miley's performance. He's not totally up on social justice issues, and doesn't have the same context for this stuff as I do, but he's insightful, and willing to engage and learn. The discussion eventually segued into the nature of the word  racist   and how it is used in conversation of this nature. He thinks that the word racist is " aggressive " and should only used to describe acts and people who do obviously and maliciously racist things (like... lynching I suppose?) because using it to refer to smaller, unintentional acts of racism immediately puts people on the defensive, and makes them unwilling to listen to you and your line of reasoning, even when you're right. Now, while I see his point, and agree with his reasoni...

On Monday 26th August, 2013, I published an article entitled Solidarity Is For Miley Cyrus: The Racial Implications Of Her VMA Performance.  The article quickly went viral, accumulating over one million views, 700 comments, and 100K facebook shares in a little over 24 hours. That does not include the traffic that this blog received from cross-posting the article. Response was divided, but largely positive, with many people emailing me personally to thank me for the piece, and a number of influential people reposting and discussing the article. This is a summary of the events that led up to my writing the article. Continue Reading My Brilliance! >>>

The response to the Miley article has been way, WAY disproportionate to what I was expecting. While I've gotten some really sincere positive feedback, I've also had to deal with some devious trolling and personal attacks, and I'm not really able to deal with all of it on my own. So the comments on this blog (and on the original article over at groupthink) are now closed indefinitely. I will likely never turn the GT comments back on, but the comments here will be back as soon as I think the trolls that have been circling find something else to do with their time. I'm just one person, and I can't deal with all of the moderation on my own, and frankly this whole thing is stressing me out. So I'm taking a mental health sabbatical, and simply making this space a rhetorical one until further notice.  To my new readers, I hope you will stay, and that you find other content here that you find engaging. I haven't forgotten you, and I've very grateful for your eye...

Yesterday's post on Miley's VMA performance and the racism she put on display has gotten way bigger than I ever expected. I originally wrote it for Jezebel's Groupthink forum , then cross posted it here. Between the two, the article has racked up close to 12K shares on facebook, nearly 100K views, and enough tweets that I've been getting follow requests to my private twitter account all day; and the numbers will likely only have grown by the time I hit publish.  But while on a superficial level I'm glad that so many people have read and shared my work, the bigger emotion that overtakes me is relief . Relief that so many people get  it. Relief that so many people understand that there was something very, very wrong with what Miley did onstage that night, and it had nothing to do with her costume. Relief that this many people understood that Miley's performance was not a stand-alone occurrence, but a symptom of a much, much  bigger problem with the way that black...

Editor's Note: The response to this piece has become a little overwhelming and I'm having some trouble trying to reign it all in, but do know that while I may have to deal with derailers and trolls over on Groupthink, I will not tolerate them here. This blog is my safe space and I will not let anonymous commenters change that. I will be heavily moderating the comments of this article, so think before you post. If your comment accuses me of "reverse racism" or includes derogatory remarks. It will be deleted. If you slut shame Miley Cyrus, your comment will be deleted. If you derail the conversation in any way, your comment will be deleted. Be forewarned. As a black woman, I feel like I owe a debt of gratitude to  Mikki Kendall , of  #SolidarityIsForWhiteWomen  fame for managing to so perfectly encapsulate years of subjugation of black women by white women. With those five words, she was able to instantly zero in on why  Intersectional  Feminism is so necessary if the ...

It's the VMA'S TONIGHT! I'm irrationally excited and I can't explain why. There's so much buzz this year about who will and won't be there ( *NSYNC ), who may or may not be reuniting ( Danity Kane !), that I cannot contain myself! I have never fangirled so hard in my life!* Not to mention the list of performers for tonight's show. Lady Gaga will be opening the show with her new single Applause, and I can't WAIT to see how she'll translate the song's spectacular music video into a stage performance. Katy Perry will also be performing her new single Roar  and Miley Cyrus , Robin Thicke , Bruno Mars and Justin Timberlake will all be taking a turn on the Brooklyn stage. It is gonna be bananas! I can't wait to see who takes the Moonmen for Video of the Year and Song of The Summer. I'm rooting for Bruno Mars' Locked Out Of Heaven  and Daft Punk's Get Lucky respectively. But let's be real. I'm completely and totally watching ...

I don't think I realized how much I missed Lady Gaga until this video debuted. Gaga has been out of the news cycle for so long that I stopped caring what she was up to, and I wasn't that concerned with what she'd been doing. But this video is clearly a return to form. It's a little bit of Born This Way , Alejandro and straight up art and fashion culture rolled into one. I'm obsessed. The visuals are beautiful, due in no small part to fashion photographers Inez &Vinoodh , I'm sure. I have to say I'm very on board with this new trend of fashion photographers as music video directors. Madonna's Girl Gone Wild by Mert & Marcus is still one of my favourite videos of all time, and maybe  Applause could be next on the list. In the end, I have to say, I wasn't really here for Applause until the video debuted. I didn't dislike the song, but it seemed to me to be classic Gaga. But the visuals really brought it home for me. I'm a fickle fan; j...

I always knew fighting online was stupid. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. I mean, endlessly debating the merits of theism with random strangers? It's like begging  to get dragged into a black hole of endless suck. But sometimes, even though it might seem harmless, it's really necessary to take a step back. I recently learned about something called The Backfire Effect, and I had a chance to see it play out in painfully slow motion on twitter earlier this morning. Essentially, the backfire effect works like this: "Once something is added to your collection of beliefs, you protect it from harm. You do it instinctively and unconsciously when confronted with attitude-inconsistent information. Just as confirmation bias shields you when you actively seek information, the backfire effect defends you when the information seeks you, when it blindsides you. Coming or going, you stick to your beliefs instead of questioning them. When someone tries to correct you, tr...

Marriage is a contract just like an other contract. When the terms of that contract are broken, the parties are entitled to either nullify the contract or renegotiate its terms. The only difference with marriage is that in addition to agreeing to financial terms (pre/post-nups) you are legally binding yourself to social terms like love and fidelity. People forget that the idea of marriage for romantic love is actually a very new concept. Way back when, people married not for love, but to ensure economic stability. Kingdoms were joined through marriage to forge political alliances; love had nothing to do with it. A "good husband" was one who could provide for his wife and family financially, because often, women were forbidden from providing for themselves. Women were encouraged to vie for the attention of the most successful man, because that was the only to ensure that their own financial futures were safe. But this is 2013. The "institution of marriage" as we know...

The Read is the best podcast you're not listening to. Seriously. If you love Scandal and Beyonce, you NEED to be tuning in every week. Hosted by KidFury of Youtube fame, and his friend Crissle, The Read covers the week's most interesting pop culture events, fan advice letters, and one spectacular read each from the two hosts.  The show is as NWFW as it is deliciously enjoyable, but the slight taboos of dirty words and sex talk makes it that much more amazing. Kid Fury and Crissle tackle everything from relationship advice and racial politics, to Beyonce's haircut and Miley's cultural appropriation, and they do it with the intelligence and real world experience of people who know what they're talking about. My favourite thing about them is the fact that they aren't afraid to take on political issues and infuse them with their specific brand of humour and outrage. They know what they're doing, and they aren't about to slow down for ignorant folk who can...

One of the things that bothered me about the discussions that happened online over the HS debacle in the last few days was the rampant tone policing by defensive white women. It didn't happen a ton, but it happened enough that I was genuinely annoyed by it, especially since tone policing is a tactic that MRAs use  all the time  to derail feminist discussions. To see white women (who are supposed to be allies) use those same tactics against black women as a defense against their justifiable anger, and to protect themselves from accusations of racism was more than a little enraging.  So in an effort to make sure that no one is ever confused about why tone policing is bullshit and will automatically label someone as racist/sexist in my mind, I've pulled the following quotes from  this great piece  (which you should read in full) that explains it better than I ever could hope to do:  It’s cruel and ridiculous to expect a person to be calm and polite in response...

I've been discussing the  #SolidarityIsForWhiteWomen  hashtag over on Jezebel for the better part of two days now, and I've noticed that a lot of people had been replying to me in the threads to say that they didn't know, or didn't really understand what happened with this Hugo Schwyzer debacle, so I figured I'd compile all the best links I could find and post them into one spot (off the Gawker server) so people can browse them as they see fit.  First, a (slightly edited) summary, from the comment I posted on Jezebel's  pitiful response  of an article:  Basically Hugo Schwyzer wormed his way into feminist spaces and used white feminists as a shield against criticism for his racism from WoC. Feminist WoC complained, Hugo blackballed and harassed them, and the WoC were labelled troublemakers for making a fuss.   Come to find, last week HS basically has a meltdown on twitter, and  admits  that Yes! He is a racist, misogynistic fuck, and he knew ...

via  fashion gone rogue There's something about Lily Collins that's just never appealed to me. She's a stunning woman, and she seems like a genuinely nice person, but she also strikes me as very... boring. She's almost bland in her beauty. There's just something about her that I can't shake. Gorgeous as she is, I can never invest anything in her as a personality because she seems so flavourless and unmemorable. I can only think of  one movie  she was in off the top of my head, which is odd since she's supposedly pretty famous. But these photos? These photos are spectacular. I remember her now. Her doe-eyed shtick no longer turns me off. Instead, I'm intrigued by the contrast between her big bedroom eyes and the fairly "good girl" styling. She looks less like someone who is constantly in deference to the people around her and more like the independent and successful young woman she is.  It's amazing the story you can tell with the right styl...

via fashion gone rogue Jessie J has been out of the limelight for a while, but I'm glad to see her back. She recently shaved her head in support of a friend with cancer, and it's growing back in beautifully. Very Anne Hathaway. Girl is giving so much face, and this is one of the first times I haven't hated how that dress has been photographed. I'm obviously going to have to track down a copy of this issue.

via fashion gone rogue A simple little shot, and yet elegant all round. 

When it comes to hurling slurs at women:  Slut is attacking women for their right to say yes. Friend Zone is attacking women for their right to say no. And  Bitch is attacking women for their right to call you out on it.  Don't be that guy. Don't be the guy who policies a woman's sexual behaviour as a way to retaliate for unrequited affection.